MY FINAL GOODBYES
Screenplay written by the Haylie
CHEEZ-IT: A box/bag of Cheez-Its that hates being eaten
PERSON: A girl that loves Cheez-Its.
ALL THE OTHER TRASH: The other trash that was in the same recycling bin as Cheez-It and all the other trash in the
In the person’s house for the first act. In the second act, Cheez-it goes through the dump truck, then finally into an incinerator where he dies.
Scene 1 The incinerator. Now.
Scene 2 The house. Then.
Scene 3 The house. Then.
Scene 1 The bin and the dump truck. Then.
Scene 2 The incinerator. Now.
CHEEZ-IT: My life is finally over.
(A red flame is showing. Cheez-It can see the heat waves in front of him on the conveyor belt, and he is not even halfway to the end yet.)
CHEEZ-IT: What have I done to deserve this torture? What have I done to be torn, ripped, flattened, squished, and now burned? Was I really that bad of a thing in my life? Please tell me why I have to die now before I actually die.
(Cheez-It is approaching the end of the conveyor belt.)
(Slowly blacks out and ripples into an old memory.)
(Cheez-It is moved, he is awakened by this action.)
(Someone tears his outer layer, box apart.)
(That same person tears open the plastic bag.)
CHEEZ-IT: I’m being opened yet again! Argh! It hurts so much!
(The person puts her hand inside and takes out some Cheez-Its.)
CHEEZ-IT: No! Please no! No, don’t hurt me anymore.
(The person doesn’t listen and still eats the Cheez-Its.)
CHEEZ-IT: No, please, I beg of you! Please.
(Person sticks a hand in one more time and takes out a handful of Cheez-Its before finally closing the lid on the box.)
CHEEZ-IT: Finally, thank you.
(Person puts Cheez-it in a cupboard and closes the door. Cheez-it looks around and can’t see a thing. Cheez-it waits until the next time he gets taken into the light.)
CHEEZ-IT: Oh no, not the dark. Not being able to see anything…
(The person closes the cupboard door and the world turns black.)
(Person opens the cupboard door and once again takes Cheez-It out into the light.)
CHEEZ-IT: Whew! It was dark in there. Hey, next time, can you just let me stay in the light ‘cause I can’t see a thing in there. It’s so dark.
(Person turns a corner, revealing that a party was going on. Music blasts from the speaker on the table, people are dancing, the lights were turned off so the colored lights could be seen. The person keeps walking to the snack table.)
CHEEZ-IT: Hey everyone. Hi there. Hey, how’s the party? Huh?
(No one responds to Cheez-it; everyone continues what they were doing.)
CHEEZ-IT: Fine then, be that way then, ignore me. Hmph.
(Person pours out the rest of the Cheez-Its into a big plastic bowl for everyone to share, leaving none left to spare.)
CHEEZ-IT: Nooo! Why would you do such an evil thing?!
(Person brings Cheez-It to the trash bins. Cheez-It continues to whine.)
CHEEZ-IT: Now I have nothing, nothing at all.
(She takes out the plastic bag, crumples it up, and dumps it into the black bin.)
(Person then takes the box and opens the bottom flaps, thus flatten the entire structure.)
CHEEZ-IT: AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!! WHYYYYY?? (Cheez-it sounds like he’s sobbing.)
(Person dumps the flattened Cheez-it into the blue recycling bin.)
CHEEZ-IT: Oh! We’re moving again! That’s got to be a good sign, right?
ALL THE OTHER TRASH: (Everyone mumbles things. Nobody really responds because they are all depressed. Everyone has heard about the place they are going to, everyone except for Cheez-It himself.)
(The bin is thrown to the side and the contents are dumped into the dump truck. From there the newly added contents are squished together to save space.)
CHEEZ-IT: Nooo! Guys? I’m getting squished! This is not good, not good at all. Ack! GUYS! Come on! Nooo!
(Cheez-It stays squished on the whole ride to the place they are going to.)
(Cheez-It feels the floor shifting and turning into a slide. All of the contents of the dump truck are moving out down the “slide”.)
CHEEZ-IT: Wheee! We’re moving yet again. (He now has an unenthusiastic voice.) I wonder where we’re going this time.
(All of the trash is lowered onto conveyor belts. After they finish riding one conveyor belt they move onto the next.)
CHEEZ-IT: Ugh, when is this going to end? I can’t take it anymore. AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHGHG!!! I’m finally going mad, mad I tell you! MAD!
(Cheez-It finally reaches the last conveyor belt. The last straw; the last moment; the last of anything. A red flame is showing. Cheez-It can see the heat waves in front of him on the conveyor belt, and he is not even a quarter on the way to the end yet.)
CHEEZ-IT: (The next word comes out almost like a breath.) No.
CHEEZ-IT: What have I done to deserve this torture? What have I done to be torn, ripped, flattened, squished, and now burned? Was I really that bad of a thing in my life? Please tell me why I have to die now before I actually do.
(Cheez-It is approaching the half-way point of the conveyor belt.)
CHEEZ-IT: My final goodbyes, oh dear, here we go. Goodbye to my non-existent friends. Goodbye to my mean owner who basically tortured me. Hmm, haha! So I guess this isn’t a bad ending. I’ve been tortured my whole life and now this is the end, I hope.
(Cheez-It sees a moment’s flash of a landfill. He can see the gray sky with many birds flying around pecking at different trash. He can see a toothpaste bottle fall from the top of a very tall tower as the sun sets behind him. This is the view of the trashed plastic bag that used to be part of Cheez-It. His “eyes” now flash back to his box self to see the flames in front of him.)
CHEEZ-IT: AH-HAH! Maybe I can still live after this, maybe I can still live and not be tortured. Maybe…
(Screen blackens, leaving the mystery unsolved.)
–<()>– –<()>– –<()>—-<()>– –<()>– –<()>– –<()>– –<()>– –<()>—-<()>—-<()>–
(End credits start scrolling.)