Inkspill

The Far Future After 200 Years

By Vincent C

After an 8-hour charging, Dave woke up and felt strength flowing all over his body. He teleported to the shower room, where a tiny device turns all dirty stuff into thin air in a split second.

“Software update! ” said Siri, the virtual voice assistant created by Apple in 2011 and was improved for many years. She then downloaded and installed iOS 207.1.4 on Dave’s mechanical body in under 1 millisecond. “This update fixed a bug where the reflex system might be stuck for 30 milliseconds, and improved support for the teleportation system, making it 5% more accurate. ”

Dave went on and had breakfast. Food, instead of being a required source of energy, became more of an entertainment or a ritual. The food appeared in his mouth, was chewed, tasted, and swallowed, and disappeared.

And now it’s time for a prayer. People perform prayers before they go to work. Dave turned on the hologram of Steve Jobs located in the center of the room, and he kneeled down to pay his sincere respect to this insanely great innovator.

After a 15 minute prayer, Dave teleported to work. “This update is working well! ” he exclaimed, feeling that his teleportation did have increased accuracy. He sat down, logged on to iCloud Drive, and edited the Swift code that he was working on for three weeks (which is part of the next version of iOS). He added a “didFinishTeleport()” function to his extension program.

“Intruder alert! ” a loud voice suddenly shouted, “Samsung troops are invading, please teleport to location 4231 to defend! ”

In 2165 C.E., the world was split into 3 massive nations. The United States of Apple controlled North America, South America, and Japan; the Microsoft Union controlled Europe and Russia; and the Samsung Empire controlled mainland Asia.

Apple and Samsung is having a conflict in the Sea of Japan, and Apple is beginning to win, but suddenly Samsung troops went over the ocean to invade California, the political and economical center of Apple.

So Dave teleported to the exact location he was told to teleport to. He turned on Siri again and commanded, “give me my laser pistol. ” The laser pistol has a streamline design, covered with beautiful sapphire crystal glass, and it glows, making it so beautiful in a way only Apple can make. He pressed gently on the home button, turning it on. The words “>slide to shoot” appeared on the glossy 2-inch Retina HD display.

The Apple troops pushed the Samsung troops to the shores, where they then had a great battle. Lasers, balls of plasma, and supersonic projectiles flew everywhere. Dave’s fingers slid across the screen for hundreds of times, precisely activating the laser every time, dealing great area damage.

Suddenly, a ball of plasma stroke Dave in the place where he used to have his kidney. In 2125 C.E., most humans got rid of their biological bodies and replaced them with well-crafted robotic bodies, which made them theoretically immortal. People will not die from old age or illnesses anymore, but it also made software updates and hardware upgrades essential to humans that possess the robotic bodies.

Dave was outraged. Nobody has ever harmed him before due to his legendary skills. He commanded Siri to heal him, and then he switched to his electromagnetic cannon. This electromagnetic cannon is extremely powerful, but it has a smaller area of effect, and its firing rate is way slower than the laser pistol. Still, he went on and destroyed more and more Samsung troops.

“Here’s a private message from The Round-Cornered-Square, ” said Siri. “Please go to location 4925 to slay the enemy leader, we will send three excellent soldiers to

cover your back. ” The Round-Cornered-Square is the headquarters of the Apple Department of Defense, built on top of the ruins of The Pentagon.

So Dave teleported to the exact location. His three companions also got there in time. Dave drew his quantum blade, and went straight at the Samsung commander. Samsung’s commander is really big, about 12 feet tall, just like a giant. Rumors have told that this mutation is the works of Samsung, making the commander especially powerful and damage-resistant.

Samsung’s commander drew his sword and blocked just in time to save his own life, but the blade already went 4 inches into his body. Dave pulled the blade back and dodged the Commander’s fatal attack, and he attempted another quick attack, but was blocked again.

“Software update! ” said Siri, “iOS 208 added new features such as power saving, near-field accurate teleportation, and a ‘didFinishTeleport()’ function that enables pre- customizing actions after teleportation. ”

“This is just what I needed! ” exclaimed Dave, who then pre-customized an accurate stabbing action after teleportation, and teleported accurately above his opponent. His blade crushed into the enemy’s body. Samsung’s commander gave out a large dying roar, and fell to the ground.

Dave put back his quantum blade and summoned his laser pistol back. Again, his thumb slid across the screen swiftly and precisely, while the other Apple troops came in, joined him, and finished off the rest of the Samsung troops together.

100 years later, the Microsoft Union joined into the United States of Apple after a great vote. In 2416 C.E., Apple conquered Samsung’s capital, ending the Common Era. The Third Age of the world has begun, and everyone lived immortally ever after.

1 Comment »

  1. Vincent Said,

    October 25, 2014@ 6:14 am      Reply

    insanely great!


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