I Wish I Had Known

By Vivian W.

I wish I had known that life was not simple. But I was drowning in the kindness of my friends, and I hadn’t known that I would be backstabbed later. It was all your fault. You popped into my life without giving me an option, without considering my feelings.

I stood on the train station, wondering if I should really do this. Of all of my other problems, you were only a dent, right? I could never see you again and still continue my life.

But I wasn’t only leaving because of you. I was starting fresh, all of my problems disintegrating. I wanted to restart my life, since I messed it up. By yelling at you, I caused friction between us. By slamming the door, I will never be forgiven.

The wind of the train sent my hair flying.

I stepped into the train.

I was fascinated by how the train made scenery blur. But it was my life, changing into a new one, switching colors and feelings.

I was in the kitchen, trying to ignore the tugging history of old life. It was so painful, but everyday I still reviewed what could’ve happened, when would’ve happened.

There was a knock from there door, echoing through the walls then eventually faded away like scars from the past. But my scars would never heal. People ask why I came here, who I came here with. They only opened my scars, sent the blood running down.

The knock came again and again, jolting me from my thinking. I sighed and twisted the knob.

In front of me was you.

It seems that you were clearing the blame meant for you. You wanted to clear all the friction caused. Try to start things over.

But I don’t accept apologies from you.

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