July 34, 2104 by Jonathan L

Dear Diary (Ultra Apple E-note Plus v. 3905.71.65.38),


Hey Diary! It’s Bob!


Today was a typical day.


After a system update while I was in my sleep, I woke up to the typical morning grogginess, but after putting on my iSuit Plus v. 49243.65.24.19, I pressed my “Energize Button” and after a little electric shock, I was ready for the day. First, I watched the morning news on iNews. The headlines included adding another day to each month due to the fact that the Earth’s rotation had slowed down, and an introduction to the new update of the Apple iSuit. When I was done, I quickly activated my portal, and instantly teleported to school.


After a split second, I was at the 234987th floor of the school building. While waiting for the school to start, I opened up iTelepathy, and said to my friend, “How’s it going?” While my friend was replying, there was an alert that disrupted him. The iSchedule said, “It’s classtime. Please go to class immediately.” So I activated my iSegway, and went to my classroom cell.


In the classroom, as usual, there was a displayed screen in midair. It was the setting of a classroom, although everything was only an electronic display. I opened my iLearn, and started with the tutorials. Soon enough, I got bored, and was about to doze to sleep, when an electric shock woke me up. Then, the imaginary teacher went to me, and whipped me. Although I knew that the teacher actually wasn’t there, but I still felt the sting.


Finally, school was over, and I teleported back. This was where I noticed the effect of the update. Instead of the teleportation process taking 1.43218347612839 seconds, it only took 1.43218347612838 seconds. I telepathed to my friend, “This update is good.” Then I opened my iSports and opened up a live coverage of a soccer game, or robotics soccer. The team that I favored won, but the end score was very close: the team Apple Model 32874 got a final score of 2.43109496, while Samsung Model 25530 got a final score of 2.43109495. I celebrated, and posted on iSocialize: “Hooray for the Apple Model 32874’s!!! Fifth consecutive win!” Suddenly, there was another alert. In my brain, there was a voice that said, “Samsung attack! Samsung attack! Please put your iSuit on invisible mode.” I groaned. This meant that I needed to hide my iSuit from Samsung hackers. So I did so, and continued with my business. However, this meant that I couldn’t use the Apple’s iNet, and I couldn’t go on the Internet.


After it was safe to turn off invisible mode, I started to do my homework. I went back onto iLearn, where I did all my homework and academic-related things. Finally, after an hour of homework, I was ready to play. So I telepathed to my friend, “You wanna go play Minecraft?” After a split second, he replied, “Sure!” So I opened my iBox app (xBox and Microsoft was bought by Apple a long time ago) and opened “Minecraft”. And suddenly, I was in another world. Just a few weeks ago, Apple updated Minecraft to become an interactive world, with first person views, as if everything was real, just “Minecraft-ified”.  Today, I was finally able to truly experience this amazing update. I moved forward, actually walking forward in real life. However, I didn’t actually go anywhere in the real world, because of this technology I don’t understand. Finally, I saw my friend in the other side of the world, and we agreed to go on a server and play cops and robbers. Today, I was not very lucky, and dead almost immediately after spawning in my jail cell. However, my friend was able to get first every time. I telepathed to him, “Lucky!” Before he could reply, my iSchedule said, “It is nine o’clock. Go to sleep.” And so I did, and before I took off my iSuit, I had to talk to you. So here I am, about to go to bed. Good night diary!








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