*Based on monologue*
Who am I?
I am an eighteen-year-old girl, currently a student in college. I have ginger hair and green eyes, a lot of people may say or assume that I live a perfect life, getting good grades, having a loving relationship, but in reality, that’s not the case. I come from a very religious family, my parents have been strict since the day I was born and continue to discipline me (even when I’m not living under their roofs. One day my friends and I really wanted to attend a pride festival in June just for fun, supporting the LGBTQ+ community. Sadly, my parents did not approve of me going to this festival, despising those who were part of that community. I may not have shown the disbelief on the outside, as I knew where my parents came from, but deep down, I really thought I was part of that community, liking girls instead of boys. I was now afraid of the current relationship that I had with my boyfriend and didn’t want to tell anyone, until one day where I eventually broke.
Where am I?
After I finish my college classes for the day, my boyfriend still had football practice, so I walk back with my friend to his dorm. We hung out here a lot, talking and gossiping, and helping each other with homework. My relationship with him was far different from the one I had with my boyfriend. With him everything seemed to fall more naturally, nothing seemed forced and we never argued. But with my boyfriend, it was a whole different story. I had always felt a tad bit awkward around him, like every move I made he was judging me. I just wasn’t as comfortable around my boyfriend as I was my friend, I guess. My boyfriend really didn’t like my friend, nor my entire friend group, the people I hung out with every day. Apparently, something about them just really annoyed him. I couldn’t tell if this was because we were dating or not, but he would always back away when he got close to them.
What time is it?
As I sit on my friend’s bed, I gaze into the sky as the sun sets slowly, creating beautiful colors for me to look at. The brown and orange leaves fall off, flying into the sky, leaving the tree bare. It was October 31, the night of Halloween.
What do I want?
My boyfriend had asked me to attend the Halloween party with him tonight, but my friend group had also asked me to go with them. I loved my boyfriend and all, but I may love my friends more, there was just something about them that just sparked more. I just could imagine more happening with my friends. Though out of all my friends, there was this one girl that really intrigued me, we never really hung out one on one, but we talked to from time to time, and she was just so different yet special. I couldn’t tell if I liked her as a friend or something more than that.
Why do I want it?
I wanted to get closer to her, to find more about her, to see if I actually liked her in the way I thought I did. So, I told my boyfriend that I would be attending the Halloween party with them instead. He was very disappointed, but I get where he was coming from, he had always done so much for me and put so much effort into our relationship. But it just didn’t feel right, I just don’t think I felt the same way towards him anymore. I felt as if I was falling for this other girl. She connected to me more than he did. There was just something more between us, a little something that I couldn’t quite find the words to explain.
How will I get what I want?
Ranting to my guy friend about this girl I wanted, he gave me some advice, nonetheless, it wasn’t very helpful. He had no experience with relationships whatsoever, so I really didn’t know what to do next. Should I tell my boyfriend and break up with him?
What must I overcome to get?
I decided that I was going to tell my boyfriend that I was gay, but maybe not the part about where I had a tiny crush on a girl. It was the right thing to do. He needed to know, and I really didn’t want to lead him on. I felt so bad though, my boyfriend always cared so much about me, always being so affectionate and trying so hard. Yet I would still choose a girl, a girl I’d barely talked to before, over him.