The Truth About Me

The Truth About me

All those calorie counting,

And those nights filled with hunger.

I felt myself drowning,

Loosing myself, six feet under.

Starving myself until I fit into the smallest clothes,

With every pound I lost I am closer to my goal.

The fear of every bite I take

My perfect plan might be ruined by that little, bite of cake.

My stomach growls like a newborn baby’s cries,

As I stay on the bed I lie.

Every bite of food I take in,

Must comes out in order to make me thin.

If I dare to even take one bite,

I must stick my finger in that throat, again.

Another night as I just finished weighing myself,

I waited anxiously as the number popped up.

78 pounds,

Relieved, at least I wasn’t out of bounds.

Stepping in to the living room,

Mom called me over for dinner.

“Honey, time for dinner”

“It’s okay mom, I’m not hungry”

The delicious smell of mom’s spaghetti meatballs,

The creamy cupcake frosted with sugar.

My starving stomach again growls,

Yet the refreshing smell of food makes my heart trigger.

Finally, I couldn’t resist from the food,    

I binged, swallowing everything I could fit in my mouth,

But the guilty feeling after the big feast,

Quickly fills me up again like a beast.

What if I gained weight?

This was the dreadful feeling I hate,

Turning obese,

Like how I used to be.       

Ugly, depressed, guilty, anxious, disgusting.

These dreaded feelings teared me apart.

This will be the last time,

As I said to my myself.

Again and again, I stuck my finger in that throat.

Choking as if someone was strangling me.

The gooey, greasy saliva,

Dripped slowly into the toilet.

My head ached and swelled,

The painful memories coming back, as I tried to call for help.

My throat hurts terribly, as it throbbed.

This isn’t working, definitely not this time.

But a few pieces of laxatives will do the job.

I fear the reflection in the mirror,

Of that hideous, person staring back.

I hate this feeling of being alone,

But no, it’s never gonna let me go.

 

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