Awards of Stupidity

By Michelle Z.

The man turned the corner, his breath coming in gasps, as the officers charged after him. He forced his legs to run faster, and took a handgun from under his cloak. He glanced back.

The police were a few meters away from him, waving their guns at him, coming closer with every step.

The man ran over his options. (Let’s call him Gerald)

Right. He thought. I can’t keep this up forever. I’m pretty fit, so I might be able to outrun them! Gerald glanced back. The police didn’t seem like stopping, and he was (admittedly) getting tired. Gerald glanced at his handgun, which he clutched in his hand.

Officers are running behind me. He thought. They have guns. I do too! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can aim at me. I don’t have eyes in the back of my head, so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!  He grinned. It was a perfect plan. (At least it seemed for him)

Unfortunately, Gerald was one of those people who couldn’t chew gum while walking. Or in this case, he couldn’t run and fire a gun at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald somehow managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden end. The officers found Gerald’s pistol next to his fallen body.

Did you laugh? It’s a true story. And it’s one in a few hundred stories that had earned the respected award: Darwin Awards.

What is a Darwin award? Who is Darwin? Charles Darwin was an English naturalist, famous for his theory about evolution. Most of you probably have heard of him. What does the Darwin Awards have to do with him? A Darwin Award is given to a certain person, who has done the entire world a great favor by removing themselves from the gene pool. Namely, the stupidest ways people had died.

How do Darwin Awards happen? The most common cases of Darwin Awards happen when some people who, by the effects of alcohol or pure stupidity, have a ‘brilliant’ idea and thus, leading to their death. Other stories include a woman falling off the Grand Canyon while chasing a feather, a medieval man drowning in a pond because he forgot to take off his armor, a man dying after running into a tree while horse riding, and many others.

Many unfortunate, naïve people, like our Gerald here, have become recipients of the Darwin awards, and there are more stupid deaths out there that we don’t know of. So don’t do any stupid things, or you might end up in the Darwin Awards Hall of Fame.

3 thoughts on “Awards of Stupidity

  1. I love all your stories and most of them are hilarious black humors. In this one I wander how stupid can a human be to lead them self to death. Let’s all don’t be stupid like this. ^^;

  2. I’m in two minds about the Darwin Awards. They make me smile, or even laugh, in amazement at how dumb people can be. And then I remember that some poor soul is dead! And there is of course also the lurking dread that one day I too might end up on the list! We’ve all done stupid stuff, yes?

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