Jared’s Truth/Lie

By Jared M

Little Jared Murphy sat on the inflatable throne. He was at a place called “pump it up”. He was only a small child then. It was his birthday party, but it also was the party of several other children. Only with all of the moms of those kids could a party for so many happen. Anyway, Jared sat on the throne. One of the kids came up to him. “I want to sit on the throne,” the child said amidst the noise of the party.

Jared considered this. He recalled that this was not the boy’s party. Thus, he had no right to have a turn on the birthday throne. “No,” Jared replied.

The other boy whined. “But that’s not fair,” the boy complained.

Jared responded with a phrase that his wise parents had imprinted in his mind, a phrase that had guided him all his short life: “Life’s not fair. Get over it.”

The boy was astounded. Jared’s mother began to laugh. Jared smiled, leaned back, and enjoyed his bouncy seat of power.



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What My Cat Probably Thinks Of Me

By Jared M

Ah. The stupid is coming. What an ugly creature. Eh. At least it does my bidding. It is a fine slave. If I speak, the gorilla-pig thing lumbers over to me.  “Hiyyyy ckitee. Blaaaarrrrgggg.” The thing’s disgusting snout quivers as it babbles nonsense. I begin to direct my commands into the strange hearing disks that adorn its lumpy head. It ignores, reaching its long, clawless paws down to stroke me. As it stomps off, I see the small punching bags it calls toes begin to wiggle. I leap forth, swatting at it. As it turns its head to gaze upon my beauty, its thick, overly long head-fur dangles. I declare that my food has run out because of its incompetence. It begins to emit a strange sound. “You Maek mee laff, keetee.” What does that even mean?! The stupid creature stumbles off, making the stupid sound as goes. Its lack of a tail makes it look all the stupider. As my momma says, the only reason those ridiculous abominations of nature were put on the earth was to feed us and cater to our needs. They are your slaves for life. Enjoy it. My momma was very smart. But if that thing tries to scratch under my chin one more time, its lifelong career will end sooner than it thinks…

Micro Adventure: Adventures of An Inch-Tall Me

By Jared M

I walked up to my table. As I put my hand on it, I closed my eyes. When I opened them, things were different. The table was a grey expanse: flat and foreboding. I was standing on it. The Lego minifigure beside me was suddenly taller than me. My Legos looked like huge buildings and I realized that I was now just over an inch tall. My door, I thought. I have to get to my door. I started to walk. I reached a tangle of action figures. Seeing no way around. I grabbed on to the hand of one and began to shimmy up the arm. Soon, I was walking unsteadily across the limbs of my own toys. One of the pose able limbs that I was perched on shifted. I felt myself fall and barely managed to grab on to the finger of another toy. My small body was easier to support. I pulled myself up and kept going. After passing mountains of plastic bricks, I reached the wall. I went to the tack-board that sat nearby and hopped on one of the pins. It wobbled, but held its place. Just to be sure, I went back and grabbed a tissue: A piece of it might work as a parachute. I tied it around me and began to traverse the pushpins.

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