July 34, 2104 by Jonathan L

Dear Diary (Ultra Apple E-note Plus v. 3905.71.65.38),


Hey Diary! It’s Bob!


Today was a typical day.


After a system update while I was in my sleep, I woke up to the typical morning grogginess, but after putting on my iSuit Plus v. 49243.65.24.19, I pressed my “Energize Button” and after a little electric shock, I was ready for the day. First, I watched the morning news on iNews. The headlines included adding another day to each month due to the fact that the Earth’s rotation had slowed down, and an introduction to the new update of the Apple iSuit. When I was done, I quickly activated my portal, and instantly teleported to school.


After a split second, I was at the 234987th floor of the school building. While waiting for the school to start, I opened up iTelepathy, and said to my friend, “How’s it going?” While my friend was replying, there was an alert that disrupted him. The iSchedule said, “It’s classtime. Please go to class immediately.” So I activated my iSegway, and went to my classroom cell.


In the classroom, as usual, there was a displayed screen in midair. It was the setting of a classroom, although everything was only an electronic display. I opened my iLearn, and started with the tutorials. Soon enough, I got bored, and was about to doze to sleep, when an electric shock woke me up. Then, the imaginary teacher went to me, and whipped me. Although I knew that the teacher actually wasn’t there, but I still felt the sting.


Finally, school was over, and I teleported back. This was where I noticed the effect of the update. Instead of the teleportation process taking 1.43218347612839 seconds, it only took 1.43218347612838 seconds. I telepathed to my friend, “This update is good.” Then I opened my iSports and opened up a live coverage of a soccer game, or robotics soccer. The team that I favored won, but the end score was very close: the team Apple Model 32874 got a final score of 2.43109496, while Samsung Model 25530 got a final score of 2.43109495. I celebrated, and posted on iSocialize: “Hooray for the Apple Model 32874’s!!! Fifth consecutive win!” Suddenly, there was another alert. In my brain, there was a voice that said, “Samsung attack! Samsung attack! Please put your iSuit on invisible mode.” I groaned. This meant that I needed to hide my iSuit from Samsung hackers. So I did so, and continued with my business. However, this meant that I couldn’t use the Apple’s iNet, and I couldn’t go on the Internet.


After it was safe to turn off invisible mode, I started to do my homework. I went back onto iLearn, where I did all my homework and academic-related things. Finally, after an hour of homework, I was ready to play. So I telepathed to my friend, “You wanna go play Minecraft?” After a split second, he replied, “Sure!” So I opened my iBox app (xBox and Microsoft was bought by Apple a long time ago) and opened “Minecraft”. And suddenly, I was in another world. Just a few weeks ago, Apple updated Minecraft to become an interactive world, with first person views, as if everything was real, just “Minecraft-ified”.  Today, I was finally able to truly experience this amazing update. I moved forward, actually walking forward in real life. However, I didn’t actually go anywhere in the real world, because of this technology I don’t understand. Finally, I saw my friend in the other side of the world, and we agreed to go on a server and play cops and robbers. Today, I was not very lucky, and dead almost immediately after spawning in my jail cell. However, my friend was able to get first every time. I telepathed to him, “Lucky!” Before he could reply, my iSchedule said, “It is nine o’clock. Go to sleep.” And so I did, and before I took off my iSuit, I had to talk to you. So here I am, about to go to bed. Good night diary!








Ode to Chipotle by Jonathan L

Ode to Chipotle

The delicious Mexican food,

That is probably not even Mexican

But who cares?

It’s delicious!


Ode to Chipotle

The delicious burritos,

The crispy tacos,

The amazing bowls,

And healthy salads


Ode to Chipotle

And the black beans

That makes me fart

And tastes so good

Especially in salads


Ode to Chipotle

Where I can never

Finish a burrito,

Because it’s just too much

For me to handle


Ode to Chipotle

And the delicious meats

Both beef and chicken,

Which is why

I request extra meat every time.


Ode to Chipotle

The crispy chips

Dipped in guacamole

Making a great snack

Paired with burritos


Ode to Chipotle

The endless lines

Outside of the building

But who cares?

It’s still worth it.


Moving to Beijing by Jonathan L


In case you don’t know, this year is my first year in Beijing, and first time living in China since I was a baby. This means that the Chinese lifestyle is new to me. This story is a story about how I adapted to China.



      I slowly closed the door behind me, and looked up to my house for the last time. Then I slowly walked to the car, and climbed in. Today was moving day. Everything that had previously been in the house was now either shoved into one of the twelve luggage bags, or was sold. I took all of my valuables with me, my most valuable swimming medals, my piano trophy, and small wallet my best friend had gave me the night before.

“Buckle your seat belts,” the chauffeur said. My mind flashed back to yesterday. I was at the Independence Day fair, at the community center. My friends and I were watching the fireworks, and eating hot dogs and hamburgers. I knew that would be the last time I would see them, and all of them gave me a card, saying “Good luck in China.” My best friend gave me the small wallet. I remembered saying farewell to all of my friends.

The car started to move, and although outside was just a midnight darkness and I had no sleep, I was not tired at all. As the car pulled away from the driveway, I looked outside, observing every detail of the neighborhood, so it would be harder to forget it. As we passed my best friend’s house, I felt tears about to stream down my face, but I held them back. Before I knew it, we were out of the neighborhood, and on the highway.

The plane ride was dull and boring, and after what felt like million years, we finally arrived. Since there were too many planes at the airport, we had to stop in the middle of the airplane takeoff place and ride a bus to the airport. When I looked out the window, I saw what I had expected: a dirty wasteland, with so mush smog that you couldn’t see a foot in front of you. Now that I was in Beijing, I knew to be strong, and not think about my old hometown. This was the fresh start to a new life.


I carried my luggage out of the plane, and the first thing I felt was the sudden stroke of heat from the Beijing air. After that was my first breathe in Beijing, which was followed by a cough. By the time everyone was out of the plane, the bus was crowded to the point were not even a grain of sand could fit. Unfortunately for me, I was next to a fat lady with bad breath. The bus was hot, humid, and disgusting. Finally, after a ten-minute ride, we arrived at the airport door. I had expected air conditioning in the airport, but I was only welcomed with another stroke of heat.

I felt drops of sweat leaking down my face, and smelled all of the cigarettes people were smoking. After more tedious walking and stopping, we were finally out of the airport. We quickly called a taxi, and hopped in for the ride to our new apartment. Again, I stared outside, and saw all of the beggars on the streets, all the cigarettes lying on the ground, all the traffic, it was terrible. To put it accurately, it was atrocious. After a while, my mom broke the silence and said, “To the left, will be your school you will be attending. It’s called ISB. It’s for foreign students just like you.” I looked up, and saw a massive building, which gates surrounding it. I thought to myself, At least I will be going to a good school.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, we came to our home. We carried all the luggage, and needed to elevator trips to get everything to the third floor. My mom opened the door, and inside was a small room, and nothing else. “Don’t worry, we have another apartment,” my mom said. Even so, the total area was equivalent to my old house’s kitchen. I put all of my luggage into the storage room, and slumped down on the couch.

“Does air conditioning exist in China?” I asked my mom. She looked at me, and knew I was having a bad attitude over moving. So she decided to switch the topic.

“How has China been so far?” my mom asked me. “Tell the truth.”


Since she said “Tell the truth”, I figured that she was expecting a bad answer. So that’s what I gave her. The truth.

“This place is a dumpster. Literally, there are people treating the streets like bathrooms, and everyone smokes. Why did we have to move to China in the first place? Why didn’t Dad just find a job in the U.S.? Why did you have to do this? How will I make new friends? I hate everyone here, and I doubt that will change!” I replied, in an angry voice.

“Calm down,” my mom said. “Part of the reason we moved here was to give you an experience. You know, these experiences are valuable. Not everyone has the opportunity to go to Chi-”

“So?” I shouted. “Out of all the places we could have moved to, we moved to China. Why couldn’t we have just stayed in America? This place is as corrupt as Iraq, but more pollution. Also, before I get to experience anything in this stupid place, I will get lung cancer and die!” I interrupted.

“Calm down, Jonathan. You don’t get my point. You are not the only kid who has moved from another country to China. Besides, you are Chinese. What’s the point of being Chinese if you have never lived there?”

“So? Am I here only because I’m Chinese? Is that the only point?”

Finally, after a thirty-minute conversation, I finally calmed down.

“Look,” my mom said. “I know that adapting to this lifestyle will be difficult, but you will have to do it either way. Come on. Let’s go outside and look around.

I followed her out of the apartment and into the smog. I coughed and sputtered, because back in Marlboro, I had never breathed through this bad air. We wandered around the downtown, and to my surprise, the subway stations were not half-destroyed, like I had expected. I thought to myself, A city with a good subway station doesn’t mean that the city itself is good. Then I remembered to not think so negatively about Beijing. During the trip, we went to Tiananmen, the CCTV tower, and several museums. By the time we got home, I had a pretty good idea of what I was going to tell my friend on Google. Then I remembered, that in China, Google is not allowed. I groaned, and tried to guess my friend’s Yahoo email, if he had one. It was fruitless, and I started getting angry again, when my dad said, “Google is not permitted in China, but on my computer you can use it.”

So I hopped onto his computer and went on Google. I sent a message to my friends, “Hey, everyone. All is well in China, and although the pollution is bad, the place is very exciting and interesting. There are all kinds of things that can’t be found in Marlboro. It’s just sad that you need VPN to access Google, so email me your Yahoo accounts or your Skype.” I clicked the Send button and almost immediately, I got a reply. It was one of my friends: “What’s up Jonathan? Is China really dirty? Is it really polluted? Does everyone smoke?” I was about to reply, when my dad said, “I need to use the computer now. Can you get off it?” So I go off the computer and stared out the window. I thought to myself,

Life is full of new experiences. China is a place very different from Marlboro. Take this opportunity to explore new things, learn new cultures, and see the world differently. This is the start of a brand-new life, possibly a more exciting one, so dare to risk everything, make new friends, and take the path no one as taken before. A great adventure starts here.


Why Not? by Jonathan L

Why Not?”


“Albert, don’t do it!”


“Why not?”


“Just DON’T DO IT!”


“Why not?”


“You will kill yourself, again!”


“No I won’t.”


I groaned. He was going to attempt to pull an “awesome” stunt again. Last time, it was riding a bicycle with the hands on the pedals and the feet on the seat. He ended up with a multitude of injuries, most notably the fractured skull. The incident before that was when he swallowed 100 liters of francium chloride, which nearly blew up his body. Now, I thought, he will be lifting weights on an exercise ball?!


“Come on, Albert. You have already had two near death experiences. Now, you will risk your life again??” I plead.


“But why not? Trust me, I won’t die, hopefully.”


“I doing this for your own good!”


“Come on! Okay, I’m going.” And he took off on his bike and sped up the road and to the ISB dome. At least his feet were actually on the pedals, and not on the seat.


I was determined to prevent him from losing his life, so I hopped onto my own bike, and like a jaguar was chasing me down, pedaled as fast as my legs would allow me. However, he was still way ahead of me, and I was not going to catch up to him on time.


Soon, I could see the two, giant white domes on the back of the ISB area. Albert had already left his bike in the middle of the parking lot, and was sprinting inside. By the time I go there, I knew it was too late. Nevertheless, I speeded into the building, out the back door, into the dome entrance, and up to the upper workout room. I was expecting, an exercise ball, a 100-kilogram dumbbell, and a half-dead body lying on the floor


I was panting, as if I had been underwater for an hour, as I raced to the workout room. To my surprise, Albert was not lying on the ground like I expected. Instead, he was watching someone else do a stunt. There was a basketball net in the corner of the room, an exercise ball, a 100-kilogram weight, but five men wearing caps that said, “Dude Perfect” on it.


I thought to myself, Wow! Why is Dude Perfect here?


Just then, I saw the cameraman coming into the room, and when he said “go”, Tyler, from Dude Perfect, stood on the exercise ball with the dumbbell in one hand and a basketball on the other. Suddenly, in a blink of an eye, the exercise ball went rocketing into the air, and Tyler went falling to the floor. However, the basketball flew, as if it was remote controlled, perfectly arced in the air, landing perfectly into the basket. As for the dumbbell…


This time, however, only Albert was the one celebrating. All the other members came rushing and gathering around Tyler.


“That’s why not,” I grumbled at the still celebrating Albert. After another ten seconds, he finally turned his face to me, seeing my face, and abruptly stopped celebrating. Suddenly, I heard the ambulance, and people started barging into the room to get Tyler to the hospital.


The next day, I went on the Dude Perfect YouTube channel. There was a new video named, “ATTENTION ALL VIEWERS” When I clicked on it, there was Tyler in a wheelchair, with bandages all over his body. As he recalled all the details in yesterday’s incident, I saw the stunt, and also saw Albert and me on the side. I thought, At least Tyler’s alive.


I suddenly heard the doorbell ring. I rushed to the door and opened it. It was Albert. He was wearing a hat with hissing snakes coming from the top of it.

“I need a partner for this one,” he said excitedly. Then he jerked me out of the house and sprinted towards ISB.


Looks like he still didn’t learn his lesson, I thought.